It was dark, cold. I could hear echo of restlessness. I could see the stars twinkle like they were struggling to shine.
But however scary it was, it was beautiful. It was alive. I could hear my heartbeat. I could feel the heart pumping blood into my arteries that kept me alive in that cold dark night. It was hard but I knew I will survive.
Stuck in that cage of cold night, I suddenly felt warmth. In front of me was a dawn. The breaking dawn ripped that infinite blanket of darkness into pieces and all I was left with, was warmth, comfort and a positive beam of light.
~ Tamanna Kalkal
A thought to lose it made her restless.
May be because of fear to lose it someday.
Vibes of “it”‘s loss haunted her everywhere.
She just could not accept the ritual of life, to let go. “It” was the magic she has ever witnessed, the trail she always fascinated and the thing she always wanted to preserve but could not.
A day came and she lost “it” with a deep sigh of grief and loss.
She was upset and messed up with all charms of “it”. And suddenly she realised that she doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. “It” is gone. Nothing is left to make her restless.
No vibes of loss will haunt her now.
There is nothing to lose
That day she was content and free.
Yes! She set herself free from that kind of INDULGENCE in “it’. 🍁
When they ask me who am I, I do not answer.
Silence defines me in its own way.
The way that world is blind towards and I do not bother enough to shake each head and make them see.
I am so proud of living the way that I have always wanted,…
admiring each ray of light that makes me see the untaken road, I am walking down.
Every moment feels so alive that I have never cared enough to look around spaces to fill my life.
And in this kind of SELF INDULGENCE, I have found my peace.
It all goes on, people come and pass by our lives but some of them stay. They stay as long as memory does and may be beyond that too. So did you. You stayed nearby but so far from me.
One glance into your eyes was enough to make me fumble. You told me so much about you but not what your eyes did. They spoke a million more words than your tongue and the laughter could not hide the sorrow and fears of that deep ocean of your eyes.
And now when I look at you in the picture, I see those oceans again screaming in silence and wanting to flow endlessly. But you always restrict them and tell them not to brim out of eye lids. Then the eyes glitter with so many hopes forming and deforming within the core.
Those eyes give me strength to hope for you to come back to me but also kill me with endless sorrow and pain of yours.
My heart always felt the turbulence of melodies. It laughed with some and cried with some others. Some empty voids inhabited by the ghosts of failure and falls, could soak in the vibes of those hymns and haunted my heart until I poured like a rain from infinity. Much beyond the limits of my thoughts, I felt all that. Not that I did not try to bring myself up but the power of subconsciousness is immense and I could only feel it somewhere in and around myself then.
And today a weird thing happened. I did what I never did, what made me uncomfortable and felt like an alien. I did what I always fancied but could never reach it. And today it just happened and I did it.
Those melodies still haunt me though but they aren’t scary anymore. Now they are just beautiful hymns of warmth and freedom. They embrace me and my wounds that they inhabited on, which have now become the scars that no longer keep them warm.
That is what happened today, a miracle I can say and there was a prisioner set free with those hymns of turbulence.
I hide myself from me and then try to seek in those hounds of past. I know really, the way to settle down myself in peace.
But knowing it has never been enough. Those moments, those faces, those memories, those snippets on some wall of my heart, bridge the two ways of peace and restlessness.
It is like I am running away from myself to find myself and there I keep revolving around the loop to hide what can never be hidden and to seek what was never lost.
And so I run away from myself sometimes, not because I don’t know the right way to the calm but to try and somehow learn to live with my whole self.
Walking down that street, you just had a thought of me in that one moment when this big thing stood straight in front of you.
As rigid as I am. Fallen. Left with no sign of liveliness but still standing with its head held so high as if it will penetrate those clouds up there.
How strange it is that it reminded you of me even when you didn't see me for ages. Your letters to me contain none of your stories and mine to you, contain neither. All we share are glances. Some empty words trying to fill themselves with that glare and touch on that piece of paper that was once held in my hand and is now in yours.
How strange it is that this big bold dry and shed tree reminded you of me ¿